Anonymous said: I lied to my GF about having feelings for another girl then that girl kissed me at a party I immediately left the party she was home sleep and I told her as soon as she woke up this is eating at me I can't live without her she sAys she doesn't want to lose me either but she can't trust me is it possible to rebuild trust!?! Can we date again!?! Any help or advise would be great I'm constantly beating myself up because I put her through all this pain I relapsed after 5 whole years and cut again

Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry I didn’t see this. I honestly rarely go on Tumblr anymore, and when I have it hasn’t shown that I have any messages! I hope this response isn’t too late to be of some help.

To me, although I’m only going off of what you told me, it sounds as if you’re fairly blameless in this. Having feelings for someone is sometimes unavoidable. Attraction to other humans is literally built into our code, we can’t just stop being attracted to others once we’re in a relationship. What we do have control over, however, are the actions we take. Being attracted to someone is harmless, but acting on those feelings is what can hurt others.

I think the important thing here is that you told your girlfriend the truth immediately after it happened. You could have continued lying to her and hid it from her for fear of what she might say or do, but you didn’t. That is quite hard to do, and that’s incredibly mature of you to do that. Most people lie and try to hide their mistakes, which ultimately makes things worse. In my relationship, the lies my girlfriend told are what drove us apart (though her actions were super shitty too haha).

You need to encourage your girlfriend to see things from your point of view. You had confused feelings, this girl kissed you, you realized how wrong things were, and you told your girlfriend the truth. Sure it’ll be hard for her, but you telling the truth is worth so much more than she realizes.

I don’t know how long you were together, but if she can trust you again, I say go for it. However, if she doesn’t see the value of you being honest with her, you might be best moving on.

Anonymous said: so i just got back with my ex girlfriend. i really, really like her, but as of today, i remembered why i called it off in the first place. i'm an extremely expressive person. i laugh at everything and i talk about my feelings, i'm dramatic toward things that i like...when i talk to her about everyday things, she's just short replies and no real emotion, but when we talk about a future together, she can go on and on about how she wants to be with me. what do i do? i need emotion and expression.

You sound a lot like me, to be honest. That is quite the tricky situation.

Personally, it would drive me crazy if my girlfriend reacted to (almost) everything we spoke about with little to no emotion. It would lead me to believe that she was irritated with me, or just not happy in general. But considering your girlfriend seems totally amped about a future with you, it makes it confusing.

Have you tried honestly talking to her about it? If she can go on and on about some things, but not others, maybe she’s bored with the other things you talk about?

If it’s just her personality, you may be stuck. You should never attempt to change someone’s personality just to reflect what you want in a girl.
Any girl can get carried away talking about her future, but is it a future you would be happy in?  Just because she talks about your future doesn’t mean you would be happy together. 


Also, generally speaking, if a relationship doesn’t work because of a core issue like your personalities not being compatible, chances are it won’t work in the future. I have witnessed a lot of my friends break up and get back together, and I have yet to see a single relationship work where they tried it again (or again… or again).

Anonymous said: You're not an idiot ahahah

Haha thanks! It’s not often I get asked relationship advice from strangers, so I’m not sure if anything I’m saying is even remotely useful.

Tags: Anonymous

Anonymous said: Well I'm a girl and he is in some of my classes in college

Oh okay cool. I definitely recommend smiling at him as the best way to get noticed. Try to make eye contact, or maybe “accidentally” let him catch you staring at him… That always makes a guy ask questions. “Was she staring at me?” “Is she smiling at me?” That sort of stuff.

Being in the same class gives you the excuse of casually asking about homework or something. Before or after class, walk up to him and ask some question about the homework. 

When I type this stuff out it sounds a bit juvenile, but I’m just trying to think of what may interest me, or what I’ve seen/done while I was in college. Hope it works! Also hope I don’t sound like a complete idiot trying to give advice haha.

Anonymous said: How do I get my crush to like me? Or even notice me?

This is an extremely vague and very open-ended question. Not sure how much I’ll be able to help with this, especially because I don’t know if you’re a girl trying to get noticed by a guy or vice versa. I also don’t know what setting you’re trying to get noticed in.

The best advice I can give you is to be friendly. Say Hi to them, smile at them when you can. A little smile goes a long way. 

Anonymous said: Hey so I've been seeing this guy for a while, and yesterday we were supposed to hang out but my dad was being a dick and kept me out all day so I kept changing times and he got upset, and texted " I don't think this is going to work out.." He's coming over later to give me my necklace that I left at his house, should I ask him if we should start over?

Yeah I definitely would ask to try to start over. Ending things because your dad prevented you from seeing him seems a little more than slightly unreasonable.

However, I can’t think of many people who are *that* unreasonable, so this may have just been the  icing on the cake for him. He may have been considering ending things for a while and not had an opportunity to do so.

I would definitely talk to him about it, though. Ask him if you not being able to hang out because of your dad is the real reason he’s ending things. If it is, and he still seems resolved to break things off, I would just let it end. You don’t want to be with someone who refuses to see reason and tells you things won’t work for the smallest things.

Anonymous said: Okay so I met a guy who is italian, if I understand well he falls in love with me and I fall in love with him. I mean he was always looking at me, someone told one of his friend to tell me he loves me, his friend ask me how old I am and he turns to him and said something I didn't understand (I'm french), when we said our goodbyes, I kissed his cheek and everyone wolf whistles us. I want to work things out between us but I'm scared he already replace me or that he forget me. What should I do?

I’m in no place to judge what feelings you may or may not have had for him, but love is a lot deeper of an emotion than most people realize. So be aware that infatuation and love are two extremely different things.

You seem young (maybe mid teens), and, judging by the limited amount of information you’ve given me, it seems like you guys didn’t know each other or date(? hang out?) for very long. Sure maybe he’s cute and really cool, but I wouldn’t get too attached to the guy if he’s traveling around and you barely know each other. Who knows when or if you’ll see him again?

If you want to continue talking to him, then do so. But, while it’s easier said than done, try not to get too emotionally attached to him. It seems as though you barely know him. I’m sure you’ll find a wonderful guy near you that you will be able to see more often.

Hope this helps. And I don’t mean to sound harsh or anything, just trying to be as honest and as helpful as possible given a minimal amount of information. 

Anonymous said: i am in a relationship of 3 years. But now i seem that i am not kinda proud with her. we have a long distance relationship but whenever we meet also,we are just physical and very less emotional talking. she loves me a lot, and i also care for her. but i dont think , means i am confused whether i love her or not. should i continue with her or break up. but the fact that she loves me alot has stopped me. but i have started finding fault in her looks, her grooming personality. it is shallow? guide?

This is the first time I’ve actually been asked for advice before on here, but I’m happy you came to me. I’d love to offer any help I can.

Firstly, in any relationship you will ever be in, after a certain amount of time, the “honeymoon” period will end. I know this from personal experience and from speaking with many many other couples when I was going through difficult times with my girlfriend.
What I mean by that is, you will never find a relationship where you’re blissfully happy the entire time without ever having to put any work in. Relationships require work, which I’m sure you know because you’re dealing with distance (which my girlfriend and I have been dealing with on and off for 3 years).

The end of the “honeymoon” period probably looks different to different people. For me, it was similar to what you’re describing - doubt. I wasn’t sure if I really did love her sometimes, sometimes I wasn’t sure if I was with the right person, but I always cared so much about her. 
I never wanted anything bad to happen to her, I wanted no one or nothing to hurt her, and, above everything else, I wanted her to be happy. But the more I thought about all of those feelings (wanting her to be happy, etc.), the more I realized that that is a huge part of love.

You say you’re not sure if you love her, but you care for her so much that you’re considering staying with her because she loves you. That sounds like love to me.

Regarding finding faults in someone, this too will come with the end of the “honeymoon”. The longer you’re with someone, the more you begin to notice faults in their personality and looks, and little things they do start to bug the shit out of you… But all that is pretty normal too.
Think about married couples (ones you’re around enough to see this). They’re not happy 100% of the time, and most elderly couples who have been married for decades will tell you this too. Any successful relationship is not founded upon perfection. Perfect people don’t exist, and perfect relationships where you’re blissfully happy 100% of the time don’t exist.
Arguments happen, you see faults in what they do, or how they act, but love for them is what allows you to see past this.

I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, that decision has to be yours. But I want you to know that what you’re feeling isn’t abnormal. Rough times happen, but if you stick it out for another few months and you’re just becoming less and less happy, I wouldn’t advise staying with her. Hope this helps. :)

srava:

“When you begin to doubt the things that once seemed essential to who you are, and feel that you are now only a composite of qualities constructed to please someone else.”

“When you catch yourself saying things you don’t agree with, eating food you don’t like, doing things that make you…

I honestly don’t think it’s ever okay to give up. But a lot of these hit home with me.

(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)