Are you fucking kidding me.
I’m putting every bit of energy I have into trusting her, and she just lied to me again about spending time with him.
She went out to dinner with some friends the other night. She did not know he was going.
When she got there, he wasn’t there… but he apparently showed up late.
When she was leaving to go to dinner she told me she wasn’t coming, that’s what her friend told her. That part is at least true.
After the evening was up… I asked if anything interesting had happened. If he showed up anything like that (I actually didn’t know the truth of it at this time). She said no.
I said. “Listen, your friend told you he wasn’t going. If he showed up late or something, it’s not your fault. It’s out of your control. You can tell me. I just want you to be honest with me.”
She stayed true to her lie. “No. He didn’t go.” Almost getting bugged that I wasn’t believing her.
Her, my friend I hadn’t seen in a while, and her friend sang karaoke together and another friend recorded it.
That video found its way to Facebook and I heard what *sounded* like his voice in the background of the video.
I confronted her about it and she told me that it was someone else and he was NOT there.
Queue today. Talking to a friend I haven’t spoked with in years who actually happened to be there that night. She let slip that he was there. Well fuck.
So there it is. She lied. Again. After I told her that I wouldn’t be mad if he was there because she didn’t know. She STILL LIED.
I called her at school and forced her to confess it. I broke down. I cried.
WHY DOES SHE KEEP DOING THIS TO ME?! I don’t want to lose her, but every bit of sense inside of me is telling me that this relationship is going nowhere….
But she’s the girl of my dreams.
I threatened to break up with her. Know what she said? “Okay.”
Well cool, fuck.
I’ve never done anything but care for her. Give everything to her. I’ve spent so much energy trying to fix and repair the relationship, NEVER giving up. And when I threaten to end it, she gives up. Let’s go THAT easily.
Just let’s go.
I don’t know what to do. Help. Please. I’m nothing without her.
I don’t want to live without her.
One of the things I wanted her to do when the third lie happened was to let go of him. Remove him from her life. She agreed that she should do so.
She didn’t call him, she didn’t text him, she didn’t see him… she only saw him at work when she was working with him. (Not sure if i’ve mentioned before that they work together).
But she missed him, and she showed it.
While she was taking these “steps” to remove him from her life, behind the scenes she was still doing everything possible to hold onto whatever last bits of him she could.
Now this stuff may seem small… but it adds up to be exactly what she needs to hold onto him.
She continued to poke him on Facebook on a regular basis. She even admitted this was done as a “Hey. I’m still here.” to him. A reminder that she exists, and she still cares for him (as a friend).
I told her that that isn’t cool, and that letting go of someone means LETTING GO. How is she supposed to move on with me if she can’t even let go of him?
Does she not care about my future with her?
She “understood” that I wanted her to let go of him completely and that meant stopping side communication with him and “reaching out” to him to try and remain in contact indirectly. But, instead of truly taking what I said to heart she just stopped poking him and found another outlet. (More on this after a quick detour)
It had become increasingly obvious over the last couple weeks that he truly did have feelings for her. The volume of posts about missing and loving someone on his Tumblr skyrocketed, so I called him out on it and told him to lay off. He didn’t listen to me and instead made empty threats. My girlfriend agreed to talk to him and he admitted to her that a lot of the posts were indeed about her… and I finally got her to admit that she thinks he might have had feelings for her too.
She recently got a new iPhone, so she began to fill it with all her social networking apps.
Instagram, DrawSomething, Words with Friends, Game Center…
And she instantly added him on every single one of those.
So I called her out on it. How does continuing to play social networking games while following him on things like Instagram and Tumblr qualify as “letting go” of someone?
She is STILL trying to hold onto him in whatever way she can.
I got her to finally confess that since she can’t have a real friendship with him, she wants to have a sort of superficial one through little games and apps so they can stay in touch.
What the hell?! They’re just iPhone apps, I know, it’s dumb… but that’s not the point.
The point is that she promised to let go of him and remove him from her life and she’s done the exact opposite of that!
I’m trying to encourage her to make her OWN decision to move on and remove him from any apps that may tempt her to remain in-contact with him… but so far she’s done nothing. If it comes down to it I may have to force her to move on… which I don’t want to do. But if she refuses to let go of him I don’t know what to do anymore.
When I opened up the messages, the first thing I saw was a conversation from a couple days ago talking about how “She didn’t want to lose him” and “She wasn’t sure what she would do without him.”
My heart immediately dropped into my fucking foot. What in the hell was this referencing?
Suddenly, my mission to discover who starts the conversations first (which it’s her, by the way. It’s her every single time. So there’s another lie to add to the list) changed, I wanted to know what their relationship really was.
Scrolling up through more bullshit, more talks, more conversations and more laughs… I get to something interesting. Something that took place around the time of his birthday.
The birthday that she went to, but that the girl he was sort of involved with also attended.
What I stumbled upon was something like this…
“This might be a little awkward… But do you want her to sleep in your bed tonight instead of me? “
What in the actual fuck is going on? Ultimately they agreed that the other girl would spend the night in his bed instead of my girlfriend, but why the fuck were they even talking about her sleeping in his bed like it was a regular thing?! What the fuck was going on?!
So I scrolled up a little further and found the conversation prior to that one. Before my girlfriend knew that the other girl was going.
“So I got dibbs on your bed on your birthday!”
“Oh, dang. I guess I’ll take the floor then…”
“Aawwwww. I’ll share!”
“Oh you’re too kind.”
I think it was at this point that I forgot that I wasn’t alone at her house, and her little sister was asleep in the room next door, because I yelled “FUCK” probably way louder than I should have.
Was she cheating on me? What the fuck was going on? I trusted her!
She had told me every night that she was sleeping on the couch.
“Oh, there are a bunch of people over tonight. Where do you think you’ll find a place to sleep, babe?”
“Oh the couch as usual!”
Yeah, bull-fucking-shit, you’re sleeping on the couch as usual.
All that time she was sharing his queen-sized bed with him.
Now, I couldn’t talk to her because she had just left for work. But I had to speak with someone about it. And I had to speak with someone immediately.
So I called him. My friend. Whom my girlfriend had been sharing a bed with when she got drunk at parties.